A Heavenly Question

"Eternal Balances? Where do I find those?"
~Customer who was probably looking for a higher answer

My Own Mother Said . . . .

"I could share my popcorn . . . . . but I'm not gonna."
~When I took her to see Iron Man




It's got nothing to do with Tech Support but it was so funny I had to share it. :)

Too Much Info

"This is enough to get my pooper puckered."
~Customer who Really shouldn't have shared that with me

A Rarity

"Wow! This support is much better than (major competitor) !"
~Loyal Customer



What? You didn't really think I was going to spill their name, did you? Like I said, the names have been changed to protect the Guilty.

Another Rarity

"I get it now!"
~Customer Who Has Seen The Light

Ya Think???

"The error message says something about some sort of thing that won't work."
~customer who couldn't be any more vague

Onsight Tech's Solution to the Problem

"That won't work! I need a work-a-round that won't require them to think."
~Tech Who May Not be Stupid After All

We're Installing the Program and . . . . .

"But why does it want my serial number?"
~Customer who probably thought serial number was actually social security number.

Be Warned

"Yeah. I know what I am going to do. I'm going to go get a shotgun and kill my buddy for selling me this crappy hard drive!"
~ Customer who found out the problem was with his computer; not our software.



OH! IMAGINE THAT!!!

No, really, Why?

"Me? Buy a support plan? WHY?"
~ Customer Who Thinks Tech Support is Free



Why don't you take your car down to the local mechanic and ask them if you can have four brand new tires for free?

Someone Understands

"Don't click continue . . . . .Just sit there and stare at it."
~Tech On Sight giving Advise to Client.



Yes, I didn't say that! But I wanted to.

Ode to Goldie

"Do not cry in here! You don't live in this office, Goldie!"
~ Woman screaming at Possible Female Homeless Person.

Sorry, Uncle Bill

But it was high time the world knew the truth.

17 pounds

I proceeded to assist the customer in checking for corrupted data. As our test was running, I hear WHAM, WHAM, WHAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM!!!!!!!

"What a slob." he mutters.

"Is everything okay, sir?" I ask.

"Sorry about that," he tells me, "I'm sitting at this girls desk and she's got 17 pounds of crumbs in her keyboard."

Whoops

"Can you help me find the transaction I just deleted?"
~Customer in Denial

Sugar Cost

"Well, that ain't enough sugar to put on a dime!"
~Unknown Alabama Customer

Me and Bill

It all started on a plane trip back from Texas. I was confused about why Bill Gates would be sitting in first class on a common passenger plane. Doesn't he like own the sky or something? As it would seem to be my luck, I sat next to him. Obviously we started to talk shop. I told him that was a tech support personnel in a big software company. I told him the crap I go through. Lord Gates was confused so I had to explain to him that I do indeed love my job, however, as you seem to be sitting next to the overlord of the computer world, it seemed only fair that he hear your confession. I told him that if I am lucky I recieve 50 calls a day helping out customer with problems with our software, understanding our software, understanding the operating system that he made and doing our damndest to get them to fixt the problem. I explained to him that everybody believes the tech support person is evil. Far from it; the system is evil, the customer's ignorance is evil. I've spoken with customer who have no business being on a computer, let alone our program. Bill finally asked me, "What software company do you work for?"

"A major one." I replied.